I know, I know… I’m a few months late, but better late than never.
On my quest of ૐ शान्ति: शान्ति: शान्ति:, I’ve realized one of the most important things – none of it is possible unless I make a commitment to myself. This commitment requires a lot of significant change… change that I know at times will make me uncomfortable, but it is so necessary.
The biggest obstacle of finding peace within the reality that I live in, I honestly need to learn to love all the things in my life… good and bad. I’ve spent a lot of my time only letting people see the happy me, that I’ve neglected the darker parts of my life. The constant portrayal that my life is superb is honestly far from the truth. I have moments in the dark (granted not often). The lack of transparency to me as a whole person has made me a tad resentful, and lately, sad. I find that when I allow myself to be vulnerable, weak, down, dark in the presence of others, I am given my own advice… to just work through it. However, repressing my vulnerability is also repressing a part of me as a whole person.
I often feel like lonely because I do not have many, including my closest friends, are so used to me always getting back on my feet with a perma-grin. Some moments though, I just want to be like everyone else: to be able to feel all emotions, not just the positive ones. I want to be able to cry and have a shoulder to cry on. I want to be able to vent when I have a bad day. I want to laugh because I feel like laughing. I want to smile because I feel like smiling. I just want to be human.
When on a path to be fulfilled, yes we do need to learn to let go… but what is there to let go when we don’t allow ourselves to experience life? Yes, life is beautiful – but it also has its moments of melancholy. It’s those moments of darkness that make the light that much brighter.
Today, I want to make a commitment to myself to allow myself to experience the HUMAN experience.